suicydking (2291) 49 SFW Posts | 1,185 Space Comments | Favorites | RSS Feed Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it. Registered 2008-02-13 17:34:16 Comment Karma: 64 Featured Comments: 0 Member of :

Recent Comments from suicydking

Comment on CSI meets Will Smith (2010-05-13 07:52:52)
Mr.?
Comment on Uncle Tito (2010-05-13 07:51:44)
Meanwhile, in Puerto Rico...
Comment on The last prank (2010-05-13 07:50:29)
Serously raccoon, I had the same attitude. Right up until I was forced to watch it. Now my attitude is more in line with the post above yours.
Comment on New Guinness Pint Glass (2010-05-12 18:31:09)
Yes Mags, you are correct. However, two things here... One, the beer is so good that I don't care, and... Two, I figured I would give you an easy dig there. Glad to see you didn't miss it.
Comment on New Guinness Pint Glass (2010-05-12 16:40:29)
I have a proper mustache for catching the Guinness foam. It also works well for Pipeline Porter, Nut Brown, and Oatmeal Stout.
Comment on Bring On The Sharks (2010-05-12 15:11:31)
Alright, this post has been on top of the front page for like 5 hours now. We officially have a floater. Tiki needs to flush.
Comment on when life gives you oil spills - make molotovs (2010-05-12 08:47:06)
Fuck, I love watching TED. When I start to feel like the world is going to shit, I spend a day watching TED lectures. It usually restores my faith in humanity.
Comment on look at this baby otter (2010-05-11 22:42:47)
That's no otter. That's a furry old lobster.
Comment on surreal (2010-05-11 22:41:40)
Needs moar MOUSTACHE
Comment on pepsi (2010-05-11 13:52:50)
I used to have a housemate who would kill a sixer of coke every night before bed. He got headaches & the shakes if he didn't drink it. Most adolescents think nothing of drinking at least a liter of pop every day.
Comment on pepsi (2010-05-11 09:39:36)
2 cans of pop a day = 75 lbs of sugar a year. Actually, it's even worse, because it's 75lbs of high fructose corn syrup a year, which your liver has no idea how to deal with. My friend drinks whiskey like it's his job. His doctor was concerned, and asked him what he mixed it with . He said, I drink it with a little water. The doctor was relieved that he wasn't mixing it with pop instead. Yeah, the doc was more worried about the pop than the whiskey. HFCS is why America is fat. Most other countries put actual sugar in their pop, but we just keep chugging that corn here in the states.
Comment on blue lobster (2010-05-11 08:13:53)
New York sends a monster to darken our seas Cursed be the day that it came They are ugly and small and not tasty at all They are lobsters in nothing but name They don’t smash open clams on their bellies with stones They have neither whiskers nor paws And the furry old lobster’s so easily crushed In the grip of their terrible claws -Furry Old Lobster, John Coulton
Comment on Nothing Really Matress (2010-05-07 16:02:41)
This is awesome.
Comment on Mah Balls (2010-05-07 13:34:00)
Wow, my comment is a double entendre. Any guesses as to my original intent?
Comment on Mah Balls (2010-05-07 13:33:07)
Bengay? For how long? I never knew.