Steven Colbert

Steven Colbert

OMFG T-Shirt

OMFG: Ontario Mega Finance Group

“you won’t believe it, eh!”

From www.thinkgeek.com

Busted Poster

Busted!
It’s not what it looks like, but who’s going to believe you?

9-11 Tribute Lights

Nixon – Brain = ?

No Thumper

You can buy these from evolvefish.com

I’m going to assume that everyone out there can figure out what the sticker means, right?

Prepare to die.

Cat In The Hat!

Th,the ca…. cat in the ha….

Fuck this,
I’ll just be a stripper

Volkswagen Ted Kennedy Advertisement

I mentioned this once or twice before, and was amused to find the actualy advertisement that wikipedia mentioned. Here’s the text from the scanned in page:

If Ted Kennedy drove a Volkswagen, he’d be President today.

It floats.

The way our boy is built, we’d be surprised if it didn’t.

The sheet of flat steel that goes udnerneath every Volkswagen keeps out water, as well as dirt and salt and other nasty things that can eat away at the underside of a car. So it’s watertight at the bottom.

And everybody knows it’s easier to shut the door on a Volkswagen after you’ve rolled won the window a little. That proves it’s practically airtight on top.

If it was a boat, we could call it the Water Bug.

It’s not a boat, it’s a car.

And, like mary Jo kapechne, It’s only 99 and 44/100 percent pure.

So it won’t stay afloat forever. Just long enough.

Poor Teddy.

If he’d been smart enough to buy a Volkswagen, he never would have gotten into hot water.

Related Posts:
I’d Rather Hunt With Cheney…
Don’t Drive With Ted Kennedy

Tower of Babel

The Tower of Babel:

by Pieter Brueghel the ElderGenesis 11:1-9

1 Now the entire earth was of one language and uniform words. 2 And it came to pass when they traveled from the east, that they found a valley in the land of Shinar and settled there. 3 And they said to one another, “Come, let us make bricks and fire them thoroughly”; so the bricks were to them for stones, and the clay was to them for mortar. 4 And they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make ourselves a name, lest we be scattered upon the face of the entire earth”. 5 And the Lord descended to see the city and the tower that the sons of man had built. 6 And The LORD said, “Lo! [they are] one people, and they all have one language, and this is what they have commenced to do. Now, will it not be withheld from them, all that they have planned to do? 7 Come, let us descend and confuse their language, so that one will not understand the language of his companion”. 8 And the Lord scattered them from there upon the face of the entire earth, and they ceased building the city. 9 Therefore, He named it Babel, for there the Lord confused the language of the entire earth, and from there the Lord scattered them upon the face of the entire earth.

Land Of The Dead: Dead Reckoning

The name of this craft is “Dead Reckoning”, and it’s outfitted with several machine guns, and missles, and other destructive pieces of glorious equipment. All of this to combat the hordes of the living dead. Dead Reckoning protected the remains of humanity from the Land Of The Dead.

Sky Watch Alert Level

The Sky Is Falling

The Sky Is Falling, also known as Chicken Little, Chicken Licken or Henny Penny is an old, classical fable of unknown origin about a chicken who believes the sky is falling. The phrase has also become used to indicate a hysterical or mistaken belief that disaster is imminent.

Glass Parking Lot

My Lord Spaketh so:

Glass parking lot is a turn of phrase used to express the idea that an eventual nuclear war will essentially turn the world into a bed of glass. The term is also used to refer to an area of sand after a nuclear bomb is detonated over it. The expression rose out of nuclear tests in New Mexico during the Manhattan Project. The heat from the bombs turned the area into a plate of glass.

The definition of “over doing it”

From the Wikipedia overlords:

A subwoofer is a loudspeaker which reproduces bass frequencies from about 20 Hz to about 200 Hz. Frequencies 16 Hz or lower are more felt than heard. Subwoofers reproduce frequencies from about 35 Hz to about 200 Hz. It is difficult for small loudspeakers to reproduce frequencies below 40 Hz, especially above 100 dB, and so it is often advantageous to use a loudspeaker dedicated to this task.

Ok, so I have a 10 inch bazooka tube in the back of my car, but this? This is an example of a pure and utter asshat. The kind of person that has this running in his truck can be heard for several city blocks.

The Goggles! They Do NOTHING.

Frequently on Fark, people thrown down CCG cards that have been photoshopped. This is one of my favorites, and I would love to credit someone with this. I see the Ronald Bieber copywrite notice, but I’m not sure where his website is…

I’d Rather Hunt With Cheney…

Anyone know someone that’s selling these as bumper stickers? I would love to see them get some free press!

This sticker is of course refering to the fact that if you go hunting with Dick Cheney, you’ll end up with bird shot in your face and heart, and have an extended stay at a hospital. Compare that with if you go driving with Ted Kennedy, you’ll end up dead.

Back To Your Freespeach Zone!

Free speech zones (also known as First Amendment Zones or derisively as Free speech cages) are areas set aside in public places for political activists to exercise their right of free speech. Although such zones existed earlier, instituted by the Clinton administration, they gained more attention after the WTO Meeting of 1999 and have been used vigorously by the George W. Bush administration. Civil libertarians claim that they are used as a form of censorship and public relations management to conceal opposition from the public and elected officials. There is much controversy surrounding the creation of these areas the mere existence of such zones is offensive to some people, who maintain that the First Amendment to the United States Constitution makes the entire country an unrestricted free speech zone.

Personally, I’m one of those that are offended by the mere thought of these places being in existance. In effect they’re methods of saying “Yeah we care about free speech, just do it over there in the corner where we can’t hear you, the TV crew can’t see you, and you won’t be able to change anything.”

CF-18

Notice the paint job right underneath the canopy, it’s supposedly a “Faux canopy” to confuse other pilots in a close encounter dog fight. Of course, how often do you get close enough to see the other pilot? Not as often as you would think. Most engagements are long distance affairs with missles and rockets doing most of the talking. Or…maybe I’m just talking about of my ass.

All hail Xenu!

As we all know, Katie Holmes is preggo with Tom Cruises’ child. But who is this Xenu character?

In Scientology doctrine, Xenu (also Xemu) is a galactic ruler (of the “Galactic Confederacy”) who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, and continue to cause problems today.

Cthulhu Fthagn! IA!

This is of course referring to the “Dean Scream” :

Dean attended a post-caucus rally for his volunteers in Iowa to deliver his concession speech, aimed at cheering up those in attendance. Forced to shout over the cheers of his enthusiastic audience, Dean didn’t realize the crowd noise was being filtered out by his unidirectional microphone, leaving only his full-throated exhortations audible to the television viewers. To those at home, it sounded as if he was raising his voice out of sheer emotion. Recordings from within the crowd made it clear that Dean was shouting in order to be heard over the cheers of the crowd but it also showed him to be be highly emotive.

Many in the television audience criticized the speech as loud, peculiar, and unpresidential. [19] In particular, this quote from the speech was aired repeatedly in the days following the caucus:

“Not only are we going to New Hampshire, Tom Harkin, we’re going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and we’re going to California and Texas and New York And we’re going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan. And then we’re going to Washington, D.C., to take back the White House! Yeah!!!”

This final “yeeeaaaahhh” has become known in American political folklore as either “the Dean Scream” or the “I Have a Scream” speech (satirical of I Have a Dream). Interestingly, while most listeners of the speech considered the scream some version of “yeah!,” many in the print media, such as Time Magazine transcribed it as “yearrgh!” or some variation thereof, giving readers a much different impression of his tone than those who saw the video.

Jennifer Connely

Actress Jennifer Connely (link goes to IMDB)

I just watched the Rocketeer on DVD last night, and I remembered the crush that I had on this beautiful woman. I fell in love with her acting style and onscreen beauty at first sight, and I’ve attempted to follow her career as well as possible. Until recently, (and with the joys of wikipedia) I did not realize that it was a comic series. Now I want to find the comics and read em!

Ron Jeremy

From the glorious wikipedia article on this god-like man:

When he entered the pornography industry, he changed his name at the request of his father. Jeremy is referred to as “the clown prince of porn” and “The Hedgehog”. He has gained some notoriety for his long penis, reported to be 9.75 inches (24.76 cm) and for being capable of autofellatio (which contributed towards the “Hedgehog” moniker)….

…His venture into pornographic movies occurred during the “golden era” of 1975 marked by high production values and good quality scripts, with the movies intended for cinematic release rather than video. However, during this era the production of adult movies was still illegal. Jeremy left New York for California but he was arrested on two occasions and faced a lengthy jail sentence before being reprieved as a result of the Hal Freeman precedent in the United States Supreme Court of 1988.

Despite his appearance, he has featured in over 2,000 films to date and has directed a further 100. He claims he gets more work when he is a bit on the heavy side, and this is the reason why he does not try to lose weight. He also claims to have had sex with over 4,000 women. He has said that he finds every woman beautiful, and this is what makes him a very versatile porn actor….

Food Pyramid

Happy Consumerist Day!

From the wikipedia article on the day:

St. Valentine’s Day falls on February 14, and is the traditional day on which lovers in certain cultures let each other know about their love, commonly by sending Valentine’s cards, which are often anonymous. The history of Valentine’s day can be traced back to a Catholic Church feast day, in honor of Saint Valentine. The day’s associations with romantic love arrived after the High Middle Ages, during which the concept of romantic love was formulated.

The day is now most closely associated with the mutual exchange of love notes in the form of “valentines.” Modern Valentine symbols include the heart-shaped outline and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, the practice of hand writing notes has largely given way to the exchange of mass-produced greeting cards. The Greeting Card Association estimates that, world-wide, approximately one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year behind Christmas. The association also estimates that women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines.

Space pictures make me happy

Space pictures make me go crazy-go-nutz:

First, we have a rogue asteroid, which is cool, but scary, because it’s real, and present danger. We could find out tomorrow that a rock the size of the state of newyork is on it’s way to meet us from space. Luckily, we have either Bruce Willis or Morgan Freeman to save us all from certain and utter destruction.

Second, is something that’s just plain ol’ exciting: Space elevators!

A space elevator is a hypothetical structure designed to transport material from a planet’s surface into space. Many different types of space elevator structures have been proposed. They all share the goal of replacing rocket propulsion with the traversal of a fixed structure via a mechanism not unlike an elevator, hence its name, in order to move material into or beyond orbit. Space elevators have also sometimes been referred to as beanstalks, space bridges, space lifts or space ladders.

The most common proposal is a tether, usually in the form of a cable or ribbon, that spans from the surface to a point beyond geosynchronous orbit. As the planet rotates, the inertia at the end of the tether counteracts gravity and keeps the tether taut. Vehicles can then climb the tether and escape the planet’s gravity without the use of rockets. Such a structure could eventually permit delivery of great quantities of cargo and people to orbit, and at costs only a fraction of those associated with current means.

Both are from Mondolithic‘s website, which is friggin awesome and stuff.

Don’t Drive With Ted Kennedy

DANGER:
Do not accept ride from Ted Kennedy.

Why not? From the wikipedia article:

On July 18, 1969, after a party on Chappaquiddick Island near the island of Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts, Kennedy, allegedly intoxicated, a claim which he denies, drove away with Mary Jo Kopechne as a passenger in his 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont 88. According to Kennedy, he made a wrong turn onto an unlit road that led to Dike Bridge (also spelled Dyke Bridge), a wooden bridge that was angled obliquely to the road, and drove over its side, which had no guardrail. The car plunged into tide-swept Poucha Pond (at that location a channel) and landed upside down under the water. Kopechne died, but as no autopsy was performed, precise cause of death is unknown. Kennedy claims he tried several times to swim down to reach her, then rested on the bank for several minutes before returning on foot to the Lawrence Cottage, where the party attended by Kopechne and other “boiler room girls” had occurred.

Joseph Gargan (Kennedy’s cousin) and party co-host Paul Markham then returned to the pond with Kennedy to try to rescue Kopechne. Though there was a telephone at the Lawrence Cottage, nobody called for help. When their efforts to rescue Kopechne failed, Kennedy decided to return to his hotel on the mainland. As the ferry had shut down for the night, Kennedy swam the short distance back to Edgartown.

Kennedy discussed the accident with several people, including his lawyer, before he contacted the police.

The next morning (July 19, 1969) the police recovered Kennedy’s car. Kopechne’s body was discovered by diver John Farrar, who observed that a large amount of air was released from the car when it was righted in the water, and that the trunk, when opened, was remarkably dry. These observations and others have led some to believe that Kopechne had not drowned, but suffocated in an air pocket within the car.

The incident quickly blossomed into a scandal. Kennedy was criticized for allegedly driving drunk, for failing to save Kopechne, for failing to summon help immediately and for contacting not the police but rather his lawyer first.

Kennedy entered a plea of guilty to a charge of leaving the scene of an accident after causing injury. He received a sentence of two months in jail, which was suspended. An Edgartown grand jury later reopened the investigation but did not return an indictment.

Kennedy’s critics and political opponents question whether justice was served in this case. The case resulted in much satire directed against Kennedy, including a National Lampoon page showing a floating Volkswagen Beetle with the remark that Kennedy would have been elected President had he been driving a Beetle that night; this satire allegedly resulted in legal action by Volkswagen complaining of unauthorized use of their trademark.

War Games

One of the best 80’s movies of all time: War Games!

In that movie, the computer went schizo and decided that it was going to launch missles at Russia in a preemptive strike that would ensure the victory of the US in the cold war, and it wasn’t until the kid (Matthew Broderick) made it play tic tac toe that the computer realized that much like the game, nuclear war is ultimately unwinable.

So, the funny part of this picture, is it says “war on terror”. Get it? Unwinable, there will be no victor, and just like what’s happened with the cold war, it will ultimately fizzle out. hopefully.

AT&T, Your world delivered

AT&T
Your world
Delivered to the NSA.

This is from a EFF class action suit against AT&T, because apparently when you turn over 300 terabytes of information to the NSA, it gets people’s attention.

Bitch Stole My Fish

The look on this kid’s face is classic, I literally laughed out loud at it!

ha!
(teehee)

G.W. Speach Checklist

My Spech Cheklist
By G.W.

Terrerist
911
Mor Terrer
Mor 911
Fear
Stay The Course

The Tech Support Caller Warning System

From our friends over at User Friendly

Satellite Picture of Kennedy Space Center

I believe this is from Google Earth, but I’m not sure…either way, this is the Kennedy Space Center down here in Florida. You can see the crawler (upper left on the roadway) that transports the fully assembled shuttle from the hanger bay to the launch pad. I’ve been to the space center a couple times, and while it’s damn interesting, it can be boring, because the place is simply so damn huge, and much of it is offlimits now. (thank you terrorists!)

Mountain go BOOM.

With recent news of volcano blowing up, I figured a kickass picture one one cooking off was in order.

Iraqi Sandstorm

Found this out in the vast wasteland that is the internet. I remember seeing this picture back when it was new, and there was a whole series of them. This is some serious stormage, but I wonder how it compares to a hurricane? It somewhat reminds me of the opening scenes of “ID4: Independence Day” where the alien spaceships are coming down, and the clouds are billowing towards the earth. On here, it’s mother nature that’s rolling across the desert, and she can be much more of a bitch then any spaceheaded aliens.

[EDIT]:
Look at that, my first double post! Looks like I had this up before.

Redneck Pacifier

So, I’ve heard it all before, kids should not be an extention of their parent’s ill humor towards humanity, but this is simply too good to pass by. If/when I have kids, they will surely have pacifiers much like this one.

Go Break Yo Self Fool!

“If it’s hard to grasp
why disable people
need this space,
WE SUGGEST:
Go and break
your fucking spine.”

Sounds painful, but makes a good point. My office has a window overlooking the parking lot, and the handicapped spot is right by me. You have no idea how many times I see rather spry looking people jumping out of their cars.

Love you long time!

“I will not love
you long time”

A rather disgruntled lookin gal here, eh? The t-shirt is a response to the classic “Full Metal Jacket” line.

Would you put a T-Rex on YOUR ark?

Say that you though god was going to blow up / flood the world, and he had chosen you to go out and take up a pair of each animal. Would you take a T-Rex? or how about a pair of Raptors? I know everyone thinks they’re all cuddly and shit, but lemme tell you, after the honey moon, life gets rough.

No Means…..whoa!

“No means
Eat me out first.”

Yeah baby!

What would MacGyver do

Just what would MacGyver do? Make some kind of cool shit outta a toilet paper roll and some bailing wire! That’s what!

Serenity / Firefly Movie Posters

I simply cannot belive that I haven’t purchased this movie yet. /sigh being poor does suck sometimes, yeah?

Super Puppy!

This is somewhat funny, because I have a dog that has the same kind of floppy ears. I think it would be hilarious if I threw him around and his ears did this, but unfortunately, he weighs in at 50 pounds. Not exactly a small sack of potatoes to be tossed about! What a flying puppy!

Tom was delicious

Ok, we’ve all seen the “missing cat/dog/gerbil” contact me if you find him /sob/sob/sob posters on telephone poles and various walls and alleyways. This is rather funny though: over one of these missing posters for a cat named “Tom”, someone’s put a sheet of paper that says “your cat was delicious” and “tom was delicous”. This is rofl funny, yes?

You do not have permission to access to /girl on this server

A parody on 404 error :
“Forbidden
You don’t have permission to access /girl on this server.”

What would Cthulhu Do?

In car / In window A/C!

Let’s talk about ghetto. Not only is that a window A/C unit in this dude’s car, but that’s a damn generator strapped to the truck.

Jesus! WTF

There are christmas lights on the 5th story of a building (dorm perhaps) that spell out “Jesus”. Might be a religous celebration, or maybe an exclamation of dorm pleasures. Either way, the people on the 2nd floor are somewhat mystified, so they’ve put up their own christmas lights that spell out “WTF”.

pure comedy genius!

Free Cat!

Another oldie but goodie :

Free cat!

Nudist Beach

NUDIST BEACH

Fat chicks prohibited beyond this point

Steam Punk Claw Glove

I have no explanation for this device, but I think it’s cool as fuck.