Wrapping Presents (With a Cat)
Tags:Cute As Hell Animals, Humor
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don’t reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat’s enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver’s face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.
from tikiwebgroup.com
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Super Heroes in WW2
Tags:Awesome Things, Comic Books, Military
From an artist at deviantART by the name of toyib.
Pittsburgh Penguins Stanley Cup Champions Logo
I know it’s late, but it’s still a great day for hockey. Here’s hoping for a repeat.
A Busload of Homeland Security
X-Rays Photography By Nick Veasey
www.dailyartpress.com/2009/10/x-rays-photography-by-nick-veasey.html
Skycar!
The Future is now!
Skycar website
www.moller.com/skycar.htm
Skycar Rescue video!
www.moller.com/video1.htm
Antidisestablishmentarianism
Moronail
I don't know if it's true, but I was told (when I was a kid) that this was the longest word in the English language. I assume that doesn't include scientific or place names.
One Nation Under God?
Tags:Forum Fodder, Politics, Religion, WTF
This simple phrase, added to the pledge of allegiance over 50 years ago has been the source of unbelievable debate and heated controversy. Likewise, the phrase ‘In God We Trust’ on our currency has been targeted and continues to be attacked as improper and politically incorrect. Lawsuits have been filed and legal minds employed to ascertain whether such statements violate the concept of ‘separation of church and state’.
As this debate continues, some so called experts have implied or concluded that our Founding Fathers and Patriots were not religious. These secular champions, in an effort to further their own causes, have even painted these great men and women from our history as being devoid of religious passions or even a belief in God. This is a part of their strategy to remove any discussion of God from the public forum.
Jon McNaughton would like to set the record straight.
These men and women were passionately religious and saw the hand of God all around them. To God they gave Thanks for His Hand in the founding of this great nation. To Him, according to their own testimony, they turned for wisdom and strength when life and liberty hung in the balance. Certainly the debate on separation of church and state will continue. But no one can dispute how our Founding Fathers and Patriots felt about God. The record is clear!
‘One Nation Under God’ is Jon McNaughton’s witness and reminder that those who went before us knew from whence their blessings came!
…
Goofy frog
Tags:Cute As Hell Animals, Humor, WTF
www.myconfinedspace.com/2009/10/13/pretty-frog/
Midnight Madness
Daniel Ilabaca – star of Chemical Brothers’ video for Midnight Madness. Shot during a break in filming.
Ezekial (model unknown) jacket
I don’t know the model of it, but it’s a nice jacket.
It’s light and quality made.
Got it for $20 at ross, retail is $70 +/-
I are lawyer cat – this are serious legal issue
Tags:Forum Fodder, LOLcats
sexually active bulls
This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.”
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, “See! That was more than 5 times a month!”
The second bull is to be sold: “Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year.”
Again the wife bugs her husband, “Hey, that’s some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!”
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: “And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!”
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, “That’s once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!”
The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, “Sure, once a day!……. But ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!!!”
from tikiwebgroup.com
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tiger bunny
Tags:Cute As Hell Animals, WTF
I Heart Steak
Tags:Awesome Things, Food, Valentine's Day
Especially when the steak has a heart on it. MmMmMm… tasty ribeye. (I may be a girl, but I love red meat.)
