Hellraiser Inferno

Hellraiser: Inferno: Directed by Scott Derrickson. With Craig Sheffer, Nicholas Turturro, James Remar, Doug Bradley. A shady police detective becomes embroiled in a strange world of murder, sadism and madness after being assigned a murder investigation against a madman known only as “The Engineer”.

Released in the year 2000 in that awkward time of technological change from vhs physical media and flip phones, this is just barely a Hellraiser film, taking a full hour and twenty minutes for Pinhead to show up and start tearing people apart. This definitely has a ‘movie of the week” feel and I think would be right at home in the late 90’s version of Stars or HBO. The main character is a coked up cop who reminds me of a cross between David Boreanaz and Thomas Jane, he’s cheating on his wife with prostitutes, one of whom ends up dead due to some evil shenanigans that can be traced back to someone named “The Engineer”. I have no clue why they went with that name instead of pinhead, because as you can likely predict from the moment film starts, pinhead is going to be involved somehow.

It definitely feels like a movie that was half way made and someone made a decision to make it a Hellraiser film, but they had already filmed too many scenes mentioning the wrong bad guy’s name, so had to fix all that with a couple voice overs and clever editing in post. My biggest beef here is that there is no fire, and there’s no relation to Dante’s Inferno, so why the name? Another relic of it’s past life on Cinemax?

My one good comment on this film is that the soundtrack has some nice beats that show up from time to time.

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Hellraiser Bloodline

Hellraiser: Bloodline: Directed by Kevin Yagher. With Bruce Ramsay, Valentina Vargas, Doug Bradley, Charlotte Chatton. In the 22nd century, a scientist attempts to right the wrong his ancestor created: the puzzle box that opens the gates of Hell and unleashes Pinhead and his Cenobite legions.

Released in 1996, a long four years after the third movie that left the puzzle box in the foundations of a beautifully architected building, which led me to believe that this, the following movie, would take place in that building. Instead we’re in the far future of 2127 onboard a uniquely designed space station that has several orbiting satilites where we learn that Pin Head has been called by a non-soul having robot. This obviously dispeases pinhead, but we don’t learn about the actual level of his displeasure until nearly the end of the film. Instead the next step is to go back to the start of this whole thing to around 1727 with powdered wigs and face paint, where a very much out of place Adam Scott is helping to torture a misguided woman, killing her, then cutting off her skin and using her in a demonic summoning ceremony. They use a puzzle box that was designed by a talented but witless toy maker, who witnesses the horrible events, goes home and is promptly eaten by demons. This whole thing results in the first of the hell demons to be arrive on Earth, but it’s not pinhead, it’s a princess of hell, and she’s here to have sex with Adam Scott!

We then just 200 years to the 1990s where there’s an architect designing a building. He’s the descendant of the toy maker! This movie is about the bloodline of the toy maker! There’s a ton of really silly stuff that happens in the 90s time period, then we jump back to the space station where more silly stuff happens, we find out that Pinhead can terrify people from orbit and is looking forward to getting back to hurting people.

On the whole, when they use CGI, it’s that 90s stuff that’s super noticeable, there’s a scene of a robot figuring out the puzzle box that’s absolutely atrocious, but it’s about what could be done at the time. Also notable is the demon dog that shows up and looks super creepy, but never actually does much of anything until it dies, and then it’s dead. There’s some really bad lines in this outing, one that particularly stuck in my head was when Pinhead was saying there’s more people alive now than in all history combined, which really makes me want to sit down with the guy and have a discussion about what he’s referring to exactly. What’s his time frame? more people alive in the last 100 years than all the time before that? I doubt it.

I was rather pleased with the ending of this fourth movie, I truly didn’t see the space station’s connection to the bloodline story elements until they started to move into place. I think the franchise is about to shift into TV movie level of quality so I’m going to be putting on my “it’s just cheese tv horror” glasses for the next film.

“Perhaps I was a bit hasty”

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Stranger Than Fiction

Stranger Than Fiction: Directed by Marc Forster. With Will Ferrell, William Dick, Guy Massey, Martha Espinoza. I.R.S. auditor Harold Crick suddenly finds his mundane Chicago life to be the subject of narration only he can hear: narration that begins to affect his entire existence, from his work to his love life to his death.

Will Ferrell during his prime, Maggie Gyllennaal during hers, with some great acting by the supporting cast of Hoffman, Latifah, and Thompson. I’ve seen it in the before times back when I wasn’t reviewing every film that came across my television in a desperate attempt to bring interactions and “engagement” to my own personal brand, and I remember it being a pretty good film at the time. My impressions still hold up and I think it’s actually aged extremely well, especially in comparison to some of Ferrell’s other work which, to be honest, have not all survived the times as well.

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