740 Search Results Found For: "fail"
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Interstellar Vehicle Venture Star
Interesting:
“(…) in the event of a failure of the cryosleep system the passengers would be euthanized before awakening, so that the crew can continue the mission and deliver the cargo. (…)”
james-camerons-avatar.wikia.com/wiki/Interstellar_Vehicle_Venture_Star#Life_Support
16 Below 0
Tags:Architecture, WTF
MINNEAPOLIS — The inflatable roof of the Metrodome collapsed Sunday after a snowstorm that dumped 17 inches on Minneapolis. No one was hurt, but the roof failure sent the NFL scrambling to find a new venue for the Vikings’ game against the New York Giants.
Dirty Mind Test
Print this out and if you cant solve the words correctly then you have a dirty mind. I failed..you will to.
Kullervo
– Rune 31 – Kullervo, son of Evil
Untamo is jealous of his brother Kalervo, and the strife between brothers is fed by numerous petty disputes. Eventually Untamo’s resentment boils into open warfare, and he kills all of Kalervo’s tribe save for Kalervo’s daughter Untamala, who submits to Untamo. Shortly afterwards, Untamala gives birth to a baby boy she names Kullervo.
When Kullervo is three months old, he is heard uttering vows of revenge and destruction on Untamo’s tribe. Untamo tries three times to have Kullervo killed (by drowning, fire and crucifixion). Each time, the infant Kullervo is saved by his latent magical powers.
Untamo then allows the child to grow up, then tries three times to find employment for him as a servant in his household, but all three attempts fail as Kullervo’s wanton and wild nature makes him unfit for any domestic task. In the end, Untamo decides to rid himself of the problem by selling Kullervo into slavery to Ilmarinen.
– Rune 32 – Kullervo as a shepherd
The boy is raised in isolation because of his status as a slave, his fierce temper, and frightening signs of early magical talent. The only memento that the boy retains from life in a loving family is an old knife that came along with him as an infant.
The wife of Ilmarinen enjoys tormenting the slave boy, now a youth, and sends Kullervo out to tend herd on her livestock with a loaf of bread with stones baked in it, along with a lengthy poem invoking the various deities to grant protection and prosperity to the herd.
– Rune 33 – Kullervo and the cheat-cake
Kullervo sits down to eat, but the heirloom knife breaks on one of the stones in the bread. Kullervo is overwhelmed with rage, and, being unusually naturally gifted at magic, casts a curse that makes the cows Ilmarinen’s wife is milking turn into bears, who kill her.
– Rune 34 – Kullervo finds his tribe-folk
Kullervo then flees from slavery and finds that his family is actually still alive except for his sister, who has disappeared and is feared dead.
– Rune 35 – Kullervo’s evil deeds
Kullervo’s father has no more success than Untamo in finding work suited for his son, and thus sends the young man to collect tributes due to the tribe. On the way back he meets a beggar-girl and seduces her without knowing or caring who she is. Afterward she realizes that she is his sister, and out of shame she commits suicide. The distraught Kullervo returns to his family to break the news.
– Rune 36 – Kullervo’s victory and death
Kullervo vows revenge on Untamo. One by one, his own family tries to dissuade him from the fruitless path of evil and revenge, and eventually rejects him, apart from his mother whose maternal love cannot be swayed even when she knows his course of action is wrong. Kullervo hardens his heart and refuses to reconsider, or even to pause to follow funeral rites when he hears his father, brother, sister and mother die in turns.
Kullervo goes on and obtains from Ukko his magic broadsword, which he uses to exterminate Untamo and his tribe. When he returns home, he finds the dead bodies of his own family littered about the homestead, untended. His mother’s spirit gives him directions to woodland nymphs who can shelter him, but he finds instead the body of his sister, who committed suicide.
Kullervo then asks of Ukko’s sword if it will have his life. The sword eagerly accepts, noting that as a weapon it doesn’t care who it’s used to kill. Kullervo commits suicide by throwing himself on his sword. On hearing the news, Väinämöinen comments that children should never be given away or ill-treated in their upbringing, lest like Kullervo they grow evil and bereft of wisdom or honor.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kullervo
HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY
Right by his side
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, ‘You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.
’‘When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?
’‘What dear?’ she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
‘I think you’re bad luck… Get the Hell away from me’.
via Bits and Pieces.
reposted from www.tikiwebgroup.com
The Orgin of Wolverine
Tags:Comic Books, Humor, Wallpaper, Wolverine
BRB
I was supposed to br proving that I’m not a man, but I seem to have failed. Brb, going in the shower.
B Is The New C
His professor sent him an e-mail the following day:
Dear Michael,
Every year I attempt to boost my students’ final grades by giving them this relatively simple exam consisting of 100 True/False questions from only 3 chapters of material. For the past 20 years that I have taught Intro Communications 101 at this institution I have never once seen someone score below a 65 on this exam. Consequently, your score of a zero is the first in history and ultimately brought the entire class average down a whole 8 points.
There were two possible answer choices: A (True) and B (False). You chose C for all 100 questions in an obvious attempt to get lucky with a least a quarter of the answers. It’s as if you didn’t look at a single question. Unfortunately, this brings your final grade in this class to failing. See you next year!
May God have mercy on your soul.
Sincerely,
Professor William Turner
P.S. If all else fails, go with B from now on.
B is the new C
Real Pancake astronaut
To: www.myconfinedspace.com/2009/05/16/pancake-astronaut/
“What went wrong: An O-ring failure in a solid rocket booster led to leaking of hot gases against the external tank. The resulting explosion killed the seven member crew.
NASA was frenetic over publicizing the teacher in space angle, even to the extent of compromising mission safety. When the launch was delayed, meaning the flight day McAuliffe was to teach her ‘lesson from space’ was moved from a weekday to a weekend, NASA took the unprecedented move of ordering the flight schedule to be rearranged so the lesson would instead be given on a school day. The training and planning of months had to be revised in hours. Payload specialist Jarvis was on this flight only because his original crew assignment had been deleted when Congressman Bill Nelson claimed a seat on the flight. Jarvis, an employee of Hughes, was supposed to be making observations of satellite deployment. But since there was no Hughes satellite aboard Challenger, the assignment made no sense. Exploded 73 seconds after launch, all seven crewmembers were killed and the TDRSS satellite aboard was destroyed. The crew cabin remained intact after the shuttle Challenger disintegrated. Indications that emergency oxygen supplies were manually activated showed that some crew members may have remained alive until the cabin hit the ocean.”
www.astronautix.com/flights/sts51l.htm
Anything Microsoft can’t fix?
Microsoft
Coming Soon by Microsoft
All New 2012 Fix!!
Microsoft not responsible for Armageddon should patch fail.
The F-15 Silent Eagle
Tags:Airplanes, Military, Wallpaper
Backup plan in the event of the F-22 project fails. 2 months before the official F-22 cancellation Boeing presents its “new” fighter with “cost-effective stealth to meet our international customers”.
New Avionics, Frame, Low Air-to-Air Stealth, Weapons carry Internally.
2009 Planned Cost: US$100 million.
Meaning that 2 F-15SE = 5 Su-30MKI
This post have a far better resolution than the “thelotuseater725” earlier one.
suspected thief
A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory. There had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift, and so every morning when the night shift workers passed through his gate it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make sure that nothing was being stolen.
Things were going along very well the first night on the job until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspaper came through his gate. Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can cover up what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the paper only to find nothing. Still he felt that the man was acting strangely, so he questioned him about the paper.
“I get a little extra money from newspapers I recycle, so I go into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have thrown away.” The guard let him pass, but decided to keep a close eye on him. The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week after week it went on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard’s checkpoint. The guard would always check and find nothing.
Then one night, about a year later, the guard reported for work only to find a message had been left for him telling him to report to his supervisor. He walked into the supervisor’s office and before he could say a word, the boss said, “You’re fired!”
“Fired?” he asked in total surprise. “Why? What did I do?”
“It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from this plant and you have failed. So you’re fired.”
“Wait a minute, what do you mean failed. Nobody ever stole anything from this place while I was on guard.”
“Oh, really,” the boss answered. “Then how do you account for the fact that there are over 250 wheelbarrows missing?”
from tikiwebgroup.com
Please go rate this post on TikiHumor.
Please add your own jokes.
Car Names Explained
# Audi
* Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
# BMW
* Big Money Works
* Bought My Wife
* Brutal Money Waster
* Bimbette Motor Weapon
* Break My Window
# Buick
* Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
# Chevrolet
* Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
* Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
* Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
* Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology
# Dodge
* Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
* Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
* Dead or Dying Gas Eater
* Dear Old Dad’s Geriatric Express
# Fiat
* Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
* Fix It All the Time
* Fix it again, Tony!
# Ford
* First On Recall Day
* First On Race Day
* First On Rust and Deterioration
* Fix Or Repair Daily
* Found On Road, Dead
* Fault Of R&D
* Fast Only Rolling Downhill
* Features O.J. and Ron’s DNA
* Found On Russian Dump
# GM
* General Maintenance
* Great Mistake
# GMC
* Garage Man’s Companion
* Got A Mechanic Coming?
# Honda
* Had One Never Did Again
# Hyundai
* Hope You Understand Nothing’s Driveable And Inexpensive
# Mazda
* Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
# Oldsmobile
* Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere
* Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick’s Irregular Leftover Equipment
# Pinto
* Put In New Transmission Often
# Pontiac
* Poor Old Neanderthal Thinks It’s A Cadillac
# Saab
* Send Another Automobile Back
* Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
* Sorry Arsed Auto Builders
# Toyota
* Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
# Volvo
* Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
* Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners
# VW
* Virtually Worthless
from tikiwebgroup.com
Please go rate this post on TikiHumor.
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Advice Mods
BRACE FOR EPIC
www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/tdomf/101906/advice%20mods.png
FAIL
Necessity
motivational poster text from elzarcothepale
on August 23rd, 2009 at 1:56 pm in comment to the pistol bayonette.
Seriously, thanks. Someone finally came up with the perfect way to describe this miserable piece of failure called the DVD-Rewinder, so on seeing your comment, I had it had to be put to motivational poster.
Pepsi Max\’s one lonely calorie
Tags:Advertisements, Sad :(, WTF
Pepsi\’s failed attempt at marketing a one calorie soda.
Fap Fap denied
I submitted a personalized plate (FAP FAP) request to the South Dakota DMV…it was approved at the initial level but denied when it went to be printed…fail.
Science Unlocks The Mystery Of Belly Button Lint
After three years of research, including examining 503 pieces of fluff from his own belly button, Georg Steinhauser has discovered a type of body hair that traps stray pieces of lint and draws them into the navel. Dr Steinhauser\’s observations showed that “small pieces of fluff first form in the hair and then end up in the navel at the end of the day.” Chemical analysis revealed the pieces of fluff were not just made up of cotton from clothing. Wrapped up in the lint were also flecks of dead skin, fat, sweat and dust. Unfortunately, further study has failed to yield a hair or fiber that would give Dr. Steinhauser the last three years of his life back.
Eye Test
A young woman visited her eye doctor complaining of failing eyesight.
The doctor sat her in front of a standard eye chart.
Doctor: Can you read the bottom line?
Girl: No.
Doctor: Can you read the center line?
Girl: No.
Doctor: Can you read the large top line?
Girl: No.
Doctor (getting frustrated): Can you even see the chart?
Girl: No.
The doctor is clearly frustrated and whips his penis out of his pants.
Doctor: Can you see this?
Girl: Of course!
Doctor: Well, there’s your problem – you’re cock-eyed! — Sun Feb 22 – Lefturn’s Funny Shit
.
from tikiwebgroup.com
Please go rate this post on tikiwebgroup.com
Female hormones in beer
Harvard scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoeostrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a
1-hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1.) Gained weight
2.) Talked excessively without making sense
3.) Became overly emotional
4.) Couldn\’t drive
5.) Failed to think rationally
6.) Argued over nothing
7.) Had to sit down while urinating
8.) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong
from tikiwebgroup.com
Please go rate this post on tikiwebgroup.com
Engine trouble
Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix, the captain announced, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.â€
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, ‘One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry, we can fly just fine on two engines.â€
An hour later the captain announced, ‘One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another hour. But don’t worry, we still have one engine left.â€
Sherry, a young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and sighed, ‘If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!â€
Stranded Fishermen
Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat due to an engine failure. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, ‘Make the entire ocean into beer! The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: ‘Nice going idiot! Now we’re going to have to piss in the boat!
– DeadDog » DeadDog Archive » Stranded Fishermen
Breakfast Club flip
Tags:Humor, Movies, The Breakfast Club
An image I\’ve found useful on messageboards whenever someone says something so fuckin\’ loonytunes that words fail.
