Revisionist Pop Culture history would have us believe that idols are disposable plastic creations manufactured by reality TV shows or by record companies, a natural evolution from Franz Lizst through Elvis, to BTS. Idols are Mostly human, some digital, imbued with significance by screaming worshippers for as long as they remain marketable. All true enough but there were, for a time, living magical idols who made records. It's easy to tell if a recording idol has magical powers in three ways: they cannot stand straight-legged, they look over 25 years old, sometimes even older, and they attract a cult following, sometimes of one or two people. Clockwise - kind of - from top left: Chabelo, discovered in a cave in the Italian Alps. His arms were useless, the left one paralysed, the right one perma-stuck above his head. He had a mean kicking action, and when he kicked, he fell right off whatever he was sitting on. As he fell, he granted wishes, or maybe curses in a lost Alpine dialect, it's hard to tell. Elf on a Shelf was inspired by Chabelo. Milt Buckner: rub his bald patch and you got baby soft hands for five years, no matter how many pots you'd scrubbed in a lifetime. You had to get past his arms, he was a big hugger, legs too. Batti Idol, Billy's Finnish cousin. You might be thinking hangon, he had straight legs. Nope. They bent out to the sides. Batti could snap his rubber gloves and jangle whatever the hell that is on his belt and fully-formed doves, donuts and die-cast trucks would fly out of his perfectly-shaped love handles. That's why Batti takes up the whole row. He was powerful. Aberjikka, from Swaziland, the "Dali of Dung", they called him. He could clean out a septic tank with his moustache and not get a whisker wet, and wistle while he did it. Sounds kind of shit, but if you've ever had a full septic tank and no radio reception, you'll appreciate ol Aberjikka's talents. Mish Mosh, from Poland. Something to do with smallgoods. No-one's telling. Lastly, Roger Nusic, from Bolivia. Love Idol. He could fold a person and himself in that damp-looking musky loincloth and they would unroll in a state of complete bliss that lasted for seven years. Roger got crushed up and used in and early illegal Ecstasy batch; it's no wonder old Manchester ravers say the drugs aren't what they used to be these days. Apart from Roger Nusic, the rest were all killed within weeks of each other in 1988. It's hard to kill a thousands' year old idol, but if you straighten their legs out, they don't last long. Why they all got assassinated, no-one knows, who's telling. It's kind of sad that their odd magics are forever lost to the music industry and their adoring followers. Maybe one will rise out from somewhere, though with the way things are these days, it's likelier that a leprechaun will be the next K-Pop star. [Yes, these are getting shorter]
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Brevity Truta (948)
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Recent Comments from Brevity Truta
- Comment on ALBUMS (2019-11-19 22:51:29)
Revisionist Pop Culture history would have us believe that idols are disposable plastic creations manufactured by reality TV shows or by record companies, a natural evolution from Franz Lizst through Elvis, to BTS. Idols are Mostly human, some digital, imbued with significance by screaming worshippers for as long as they remain marketable. All true enough but there were, for a time, living magical idols who made records. It's easy to tell if a recording idol has magical powers in three ways: they cannot stand straight-legged, they look over 25 years old, sometimes even older, and they attract a cult following, sometimes of one or two people. Clockwise - kind of - from top left: Chabelo, discovered in a cave in the Italian Alps. His arms were useless, the left one paralysed, the right one perma-stuck above his head. He had a mean kicking action, and when he kicked, he fell right off whatever he was sitting on. As he fell, he granted wishes, or maybe curses in a lost Alpine dialect, it's hard to tell. Elf on a Shelf was inspired by Chabelo. Milt Buckner: rub his bald patch and you got baby soft hands for five years, no matter how many pots you'd scrubbed in a lifetime. You had to get past his arms, he was a big hugger, legs too. Batti Idol, Billy's Finnish cousin. You might be thinking hangon, he had straight legs. Nope. They bent out to the sides. Batti could snap his rubber gloves and jangle whatever the hell that is on his belt and fully-formed doves, donuts and die-cast trucks would fly out of his perfectly-shaped love handles. That's why Batti takes up the whole row. He was powerful. Aberjikka, from Swaziland, the "Dali of Dung", they called him. He could clean out a septic tank with his moustache and not get a whisker wet, and wistle while he did it. Sounds kind of shit, but if you've ever had a full septic tank and no radio reception, you'll appreciate ol Aberjikka's talents. Mish Mosh, from Poland. Something to do with smallgoods. No-one's telling. Lastly, Roger Nusic, from Bolivia. Love Idol. He could fold a person and himself in that damp-looking musky loincloth and they would unroll in a state of complete bliss that lasted for seven years. Roger got crushed up and used in and early illegal Ecstasy batch; it's no wonder old Manchester ravers say the drugs aren't what they used to be these days. Apart from Roger Nusic, the rest were all killed within weeks of each other in 1988. It's hard to kill a thousands' year old idol, but if you straighten their legs out, they don't last long. Why they all got assassinated, no-one knows, who's telling. It's kind of sad that their odd magics are forever lost to the music industry and their adoring followers. Maybe one will rise out from somewhere, though with the way things are these days, it's likelier that a leprechaun will be the next K-Pop star. [Yes, these are getting shorter] - Comment on A VISIT TO THE FOREST (2019-11-19 02:54:59)
Usually there's a looming Nazi or something. Why is this propaganda? - Comment on Commenting on NSFW is working again! (2019-11-19 02:23:55)
It's funny no-one noticed for weeks until a couple of days ago that our comments don't appear (huge laughs at why that might be) - Comment on Commenting on NSFW is working again! (2019-11-19 02:09:08)
No worries, Tiki. Thanks for fixing it, and really, thank Storms - if not for his excellent Album galleries, you might have had completely the wrong explanation for why no-one in NSFW apart from you apparently had any hands free to type with. - Comment on it’s very offensive (2019-11-18 23:08:36)
Tossing in a Gen X response to the Boomers : Link - Comment on ALBUMS (2019-11-18 23:03:55)
lol - Comment on giraffe passenger (2019-11-18 17:37:37)
Getting in there looks like it's easier than getting out. Wouldn't want to startle it from behind, that's for sure. Unless you have an especially warped sense of humour. - Comment on FUTURE HOME (2019-11-18 17:26:35)
I recognized the Dymaxion House, and looked up where this one was being built. The caption I found: "Installing the ventilator on the Wichita House, Wichita, Kansas, 1946. From "Your Private Sky," p. 245." - Comment on ALBUMS (2019-11-18 17:11:35)
Ohhh, yeah. Nobody wants that. I can format in here, right. I'd fix that but it's too late to edit it. Next time I will. Cheers, mate - Comment on ALBUMS (2019-11-18 16:51:08)
We've all heard, and some of us far more down to earth than Bono believe in and have talked about the "power of music". When pressed, most of us think it's a feel-good phrase in the face of a reality where in a dusty Western town street even the most skilful mariachi band would be no match for a red-hatted patriot and few toys he picked up from Walmart. Well, there's a humble building in Basel where Gert Rhinestonehart keeps a Gallery of the Real Power of Music. These are some exhibits from it. Anticlockwise from top left A) Jack Bensten's two guitars propelled him from Virginia to Jamaica escaping the 'Nam draft. He thought he was heading North so it was a much longer trip than expected. He also used the guitars to charm good eating fish and turtles from the sea, and as a freshwater synthesis device. His playing was so sweet, the heavens would cry into the dinghy bailer as he played. B) The original American Gothic couple, kept somewhat young and very much alive to this day by nightly Bluegrass sessions. C) Kay Huntington is a Bowie incarnation that never made it out of the great chameleon's closet. This is an image of her in it. The power of music, the Thin White Duke and a shit ton of coke kept her in there. Some say that's a steep price to pay given some of the Duke's fascist theatre moments, but they never heard Kay sing. D) This one's an allegory from the PoM Museum Curator's own life, with dozens of Web MD ailments and a bout of pancreatic cancer in the back, and music in the front, which cured all of it and no trips to the hospital. E) Music made Allan Sherman and his "mum" laugh, in times that were so bleak, both of them were considering perforating their eardrums and becoming insurance salespeople and F) Music built the Panama Canal (also the Pyramids and the first computer, among other things). All in all, sometimes a guitar is just a guitar. - Comment on ALBUMS (2019-11-17 18:50:25)
All Secret Society Crack Troops in the Battle of the Sexes, trained at Francis L Flimflam SJ's Witty Petty Seminary in Oklahoma. There was a "Q" there, code name "Bitch Balls" and here are some of his cunning inventions for deployment in the battle. Clockwise from top left: a) Meet n Greet Curtains Stinky Eve Vinyl Cover New Testament (note the fanning wrist motion for maximum superstitious waftage) b) Invisible Jutting Devil may Care Chin Prop (useful in any emergency, especially useful around female academics and cleaning ladies) c) Make me a Sammich Hypno-glasses d) [Fearless Leader] e) Douchecannon with seagull bomb squad [only ever used once, Classified] f) Jerkquoise Ring imbued with the energy of a thousand aggressive pick-up lines, guaranteed to stop any woman talking, especially effective underwater. So sexist! So dated! IKR. History is a fascinating pursuit, is all I can say. - Comment on ALBUMS (2019-11-17 18:32:50)
Thanks for the heads-up Storms. I commented on the set but it doesn't show up. Neither does the last comment I made on Albums you pointed me to in there. I've emailed Tiki, hopefully he can sort it out. - Comment on LIVING ROOM (2019-11-16 09:16:30)
I always enjoy your retro living room images, Storms. This one got me curious because of the roof, floor, and fake vista. Turns out it's a Buckminster Fuller Dymaxion House. "The Dymaxion House was completed in 1930 after two years of development, and redesigned in 1945. Buckminster Fuller wanted to mass-produce a bathroom and a house. His first "Dymaxion" design was based on the design of a grain bin. During World War II, the U.S. Army commissioned Fuller to send these housing units to the Persian Gulf.In 1945, science-fiction writer Robert A. Heinlein placed an order for one to be delivered to Los Angeles, but the order was never filled..." More here - Comment on ALBUMS (2019-11-16 06:29:34)
What these have in common is they are all conjoined twins. - Comment on THE FOUR MUSICIANS OF THE APOCALYPSE (2019-11-16 06:27:52)
Together, I can't find a tune with all of them so there may be some truth to this, which is cool. Said with a smile as I enjoy each and every one of these.
