It’s true, you do have to work your ass off to get to that point, but once there, it’s as I described. We do get summers off, winter holidays, and weekends off—also most Fridays.

If you don’t know any professors who are working less than 72 hours a week, then either you don’t know enough of them, or the ones you do know are doing it wrong. One of my professors when I entered my Ph.D. program showed up at the office twice a week, taught two classes, had office hours, and went home. He wrote and published in his spare time because he loved to, not because he had to. He had TAs to do his grading, assistants to help with the office work, and a clause in his contract that this schedule would never change. Getting to tenure? It takes work. Once you’ve got it? All downhill. For me, it is a wonderland. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be doing it. Most of the stress is mental, but I’m certainly not out there busting my hump like my dad did, in the factory day in and day out for 42 years.

And again, I’m speaking to a particularly point: it’s definitely not a “go nowhere” job. If you want to debate particulars, fine, but don’t lose sight that, hard work or no, academia is certainly not a field without its merits—which was point here. Also, your numbers are wrong in that you claim that there are 200 applicants for every job, leaving 199 without work. Those 200 are applying for more than one job; job apps aren’t parsed, 200 applicants per position. So if there are 25 openings, there may be 200 applicants rather than 5000 (25 x 200), so when those positions are filled there would be 175, not 4975, people without employment.

And that’s not to say that everyone with a Ph.D. ends up teaching—editing, writing, consulting, &c., all pay well.

So, sorry to disappoint (?) you, but my friend is certainly not imaginary, and neither am I. Although as far as that goes, most of my friends are in academia, and I’ve only provided one example where I could have given dozens.