Let’s see. Black Widow has been in like 5 movies doing a great job redefining the concept of “Mary Sue,” easily defeating a whole bunch of nameless thugs without ever getting so much as a single hair out of place. Oh, yeah, she got “shot” in Cap 2, but it was probably a “plot-device” bullet, because ten seconds latter she was back doing her “girl-fu” on the villains again.

Female Thor? Are you aware that Thor is the guy’s name, right? Not his nickname, not his callsign, but the dude’s actual Odin-given name. Are you saying that Thor himself suddenly grew ovaries? Is she merely Thor with breasts like X-23 is just Wolverine with breasts? Or is she a woman who will wield Mjölnir, completely unrelated to Thor himself, but for some reason they can’t just give her her own name?

Black Captain America. Sure that’ll last. Then again black Nick Fury did last, but that’s only because they took the cartoonishly shallow shell of a character that was Nick Fury and replaced him with Sam L. Jackson’s badassery.

Latina Ghost Rider? Muslim Ms Marvel? Well, the Disney Princess lineup did need some variety, didn’t it? And don’t forget that there is exactly one Marvel superheroine to ever make it past issue #50 in the comics (original Ms Marvel’s ended at 50), and that’s Spider-girl, who was literally Spider-man with boobs. She was Peter’s daughter, with the exact same personality, and wore his Spider-man outfit. And I don’t mean she wore an identical outfit, I mean she wore the exact same actual outfit her father wore, which fit her perfectly for some unexplained reason.

Marvel writers do seem to spend an awful lot of time making their male characters grow boobs, don’t they?

And, by the way, She-Hulk’s fan base is 99% white male. And the fact that they spend so much time trying to turn her into Ally McBeal on steroids is a perfect example of how little they care about the character.

Don’t get me wrong, DC movies are being utter crap lately mainly thanks to the fact that everyone was duped into believing that The Dark Knight was a good movie, mostly thanks to Heath Ledger’s decent performance and because people felt sorry that he died before they could apologize for all the hatred they dumped on him for being chosen to play the Joker.

But don’t be mistaken, Guardians of the Galaxy was the most Michael Bay-ish movie of the decade. A juvenile retarded mess of nonsense and explosions, with two characters with the exact same backstory (“bad guy killed my parents in front of me and I want revenge”), and an ending that is basically “let’s hold hands together and the power of our friendship will save the universe,” which effectively qualifies as the stupidest idea since that time Superman reversed time by reversing Earth’s rotation.