No politician besides Grover Cleveland ever won the endorsement of the Orthodox Discordian Society, and we endorse him every four years. Cleveland is well known, highly respected, very experienced and, best of all, completely dead — a quality assuring that he will not pick Daniel Quayle for his running mate.

No sex scandals will ever mar any of his campaigns.

And, besides, what living person can really be trusted with the awesome powers of a nuclear-age presidency?

Grover Cleveland will break no campaign promises and will never abuse his veto power. Nor will he say anything so idiotic that even those who didn’t vote for him will cringe with embarrassment. Cleveland will start no wars, will exact no taxes, will expand no debts, will tell no lies, will keep no secrets in the name of National Security and will not, at any time during his entire term, appoint any morons to high public office.

Can you honestly hope for that much of any other candidate?