Hmmm not real sure about this one, does my font look big in this? aka Bad hurrr day.

anyway –

Six artists who blew their entire budget on personal styling, so much so that they could not afford anybackup singers, catering, fancy instruments like cowbells or maracas, and no studio props for the photoshoots, just stood up against a wall and got snapped. The items counterclockwise from top right:

1) The ruched and ruffled shirt that David Vitolka is wearing here is made from a sixty foot bolt of naked mole rat skins. Seven thousand skins went into the shirt, which is completely ruched and ruffled, not just the front. The matching apricot tuxedo and bow tie is made from melted down Barbie dolls by an artist from New Mexico by the name of Randy Guoulash, who was happy to be paid in backup singers for his work.

2) The cock of the rock [yep] inspired hairstyle of I think this is li’l wayne? No, that was made of roofing insulation, shaved into shape and covered with varnish and candy floss. Cheap. The pocket handkerchief is where the pricey priceless factor somes in – it belonged to Joan of Arc, and survived the flames of her execution. Wayne bought it at a charity auction on a cruise ship off Miami because he liked the lucky snot embedded in the corner – it looked like a mongrammed W. The previous owner swore it was a Q, but he only had one eye and that one was made of glass.

I know, I never said these guys made sensible or even sane satrorial decisions.

3) Tony’s watch – a Breitaqualung, made in Bazel in 1960 – has 47 jewels, a face made from space laser crystal, is waterproof to 3,000 metres and so cool Steve McQueen said he couldn’t be the celebrity face for it, because it made him feel like Jerry Lewis to wear, that’s how cool it is.

4) Those shoes are made from real butter, and expensive for the mechanisms inside that keep the butter from melting.

5) His hairpiece is made from the last Unicorn’s beard.

6) Genuine Aztec artifact made from dead cats spraypainted gold and a bunch of souvenir keyrings. Fave emerald detailing. All cheap. The cape is a Caravaggio painting – “Garden of Eden before there was much in it”, repurposed by none other than Randy Goulash, who stole it from a Nazi while serving overseas.

All the items can be seen in the Dallas Museum of High Fashion, where they continue to educate schoolkids and anyone with an interest in good taste such as Shia LeBeouf, who is a patron of the museum and visits once every few years. He begs for the cape every time, and is allowed to at least wear it and go get burgers for the museum staff.