Oho. C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER! for tolstoy? I could say – Hang on, chaps, obviously every one of these can be summed up as “Someone Can’t Count”, including the Faith Singers as that is a spoken word record. and just leave it there.

Thing is, I’m not at all a mathematical type. I leave the counting to the maths brain of the outfit. These all read to me as a physics set. True, there’s not an elaborate story this time, just as well, go write a book already, but, clockwise from top left:

a) The 1974 Lab – 105 team at MIT after successfully applying to a higher power for a grant to continue their research into Boswellian Concurrency, a theory set to revolutionise state-church entanglements. They had exhausted their initial grant identifying them.

b) The Basel Amateur Science Laboratories Computer-Aided Enrichment Center Five, pictured here in a zero-G terraforming environment desinged to be used on a Mars mission. Tantric discipline combined with earnestness and beige telluridic plates produced a magnetic meditation field powerful enough to allow astronauts to walk light, upright, and for the water, rocks, trees, and potato plants to all function naturally and not float around making some unholy salad.

c) Uniwaka Laboratories – Section F. Ray Guns powered by a pale blue, volatile substance only known as “Ethypropofikkenawesome”. The guns could shoot around corners and were designed to fit in an office cubicle drawer, because the quartet were aware that there would be plenty of beaurocracy anywhere humans colonised.

d) Patent Claims nyah nyah. Arizona “Cowboys” Area 69 Crew making a bold statement about their 34 Patents, none of which, to date, have made it past the Adult Entertainment Industry. Broader applications may happen, on some distant planet where things are defined in different ways and women don’t have boobs.

e) Fab Four, Cambridge. Won the Coxed fours sculls 1975 against the blighters from Oxford in record time. Physics? Well, they did construct the boat from duct tape and Dr Who props found in a dumpster out the back of the BBC, and yes, that year Oxford were all sick with a mysterious virus … look at how innocent they all are, now come on.

f) 1976 Argentina Polytechnic Division J-11. Spoken word linguistics combined with these radical outfits allowed them to fly short distances, about ten feet off the ground. The problem was landing, as anyone who’s engaged in a conversation with an excited physicist at a faculty wine and cheese do knows – how to shut them up? It’s not good expecting an encounter with a solid object to halt the flight. Severe concussions ruined their ability to think, so the problem was never solved. The suits were snapped up on ebay recently by Jeremy Renner. Perhaps there’s hope there still for them to be used for good.