I miss Frankie.

“My problem, as people keep shouting out in the streets, is that I look like one of The Proclaimers. But then I grew a beard, and now everyone shouts “pedophile”! Why do pedophiles always have beards and glasses? What is it about that look that children find so sexy? ”

” I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we’re taking part in the conception of the Antichrist. ”

“Apparently the guards put sperm in Paris Hilton’s porridge when she was in prison. That’s got to be horrible for her. “Eurgh! There’s porridge in this!” “