Because while I want Mountain Dew very badly, I want to save that special occasion for when I get to America since that’s where it comes from. Like if someone were to mail me a bottle I would get very upset. Also America is a very young country, as far as food goes they don’t have that much culture that I’m not familiar with and since I’m a veganJewsocialist, I’m not left with too many options when it comes to trying to feel like an American. In my mind it’s all planned out and visualised though. I arrive at the airport, I’m assuming they have little stores with overpriced products you could get much cheaper at Walmart there, like most other airports I’ve been to. I go in, take a bottle of Mountain Dew from the shelf or wherever the fuck they keep it, give the lady at the checkpoint some beautiful American money, I know it’ll be a lady, I tell her to keep the change, then I turn to the right, open the bottle, it goes “chhhh”, I lift the bottle to my lips and drink it. Then the sky will open up, the sun will shine right down on me and you can hear hallelujahs in the background.

Generous? It’s a special occasion, I’d compliment her strangely shaped ass if need be.

Is that your idea of generosity or just a random option you would choose instead. You realise I’m following a precise plan, yes? And don’t give me shit for following a plan, it’s what I do. Anyway I’m not impressed by your generic I insultAmericanslol option. You need to step up your game son.

Yet I’m sure it wouldn’t bother anyone who is French.