Swans are fucking scary motherfuckers though, have you ever seen Swan Lake? Bullfuckingshit. It’s a big conspiracy, the whole idea of swans being beautiful innocent creatures is a lie fabricated by the swan head leader, they obviously also blackmailed Tchaikovsky into portraying them like that, the original story he wrote was actually about how a gang of swans systematically terrorised dozens of villages by ripping the eyes out of toddlers and castrating all adults, in order to stop the latter group from continuing to reproduce and to keep the first group from ever figuring out how to reproduce at all so they could take over the world.

Oh I just saw the ironic Aflac ad. I thought it was part of the article. SEE WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT